I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
