Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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