I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
