is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
