omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
