mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
