Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
