Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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