Where did you get a picture of my penis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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