who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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