need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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