I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i came on her dog
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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