Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
