Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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