god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize