LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
