I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
