Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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