Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
