And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
