YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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