careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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