Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
