I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize