Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
