It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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