I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
