yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
