I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
