Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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