You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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