we have pet lesbian snakes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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