This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
