Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
