I have demons in me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
