drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
