bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
