I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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