do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize