i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
