apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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