i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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