It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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