If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize