No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
