Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
