not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
