he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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