mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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