I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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