We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
