conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
