Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
