i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
