Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
