but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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