I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
