i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
