I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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