Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
