I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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