Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
