So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize