maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
