proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
