All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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