idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want her autograph on my taint
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
