Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
