dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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