The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
