Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
