I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize