guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
