I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
