Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
