redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This gyro tastes like lonliness
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize