all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
